Un Amor Llamado Spice Girls

Durante el día de hoy, me voy a remontar un poco a la última (y mejor) década del siglo: los 90. A lo largo de esos años tuvimos cosas maravillosas que aún hoy en día se ven y se escuchan, entre ellas series como "Buffy the Vampire Slayer", películas de Disney como "Aladdin", clásicos tales como "Jurassic Park", y bandas como The Backstreet Boys. 

Pero definitivamente, lo que más me gustó de los 90 (aparte del nacimiento de este maravilloso ser), fueron las Spice Girls. Fue la primera banda de chicas que escuché, y su música me ha impactada más que la de cualquier otro artista. Más adelante hablaré un poco más sobre esto. 

Créditos al artista. 

Para quienes no lo sepan, la banda es de Inglaterra y se formó en el 1994, separándose en el 1998. Luego volvieron en los 2000, con varias giras mundiales, cantando en las olimpiadas del 2012, y con promesas de regresar en los siguientes años. Tienen además una película animada en proceso, donde lanzarán viejas y nuevas canciones. 

La banda está formada por cinco integrantes, a las cuales se les dio un apodo en base a sus características; esto es importante ya que así es como las mencionaré aquí. 

💀 Scary Spice- Melanie B. 

Mel B. era Scary por su personalidad ruidosa, 
y por su honestidad. 

🍭 Baby Spice- Emma 

Emma era Baby por ser la más joven del grupo, y 
por su personalidad dulce. 

💓 Ginger Spice- Geri 

Geri era Ginger debido a su color de pelo, 
y ser la más coqueta de la banda. 

👠 Posh Spice- Victoria 

Posh significa elegante, lo cual describe perfectamente
a Victoria, la más seria de las chicas. 

⚽ Sporty Spice- Melanie C. 

Mel C. siempre fue muy atlética y activa, 
ganándose el apodo de Sporty. 

Hoy mi post será dividido en dos. La primera parte es un book tag, el cual se conforma de una serie de preguntas rápidas basadas en el tema del día, las cuales deben ser contestadas con respuestas literarias. Luego, estaré hablando un poco más sobre la banda como tal. Este book tag fue creado originalmente por The Endless Bookshelf en Youtube, así que ahí les dejo el link para que la visiten. 

¡Comencemos! 

Baby Spice: un libro que te haya hecho 
llorar como un bebé.

Fácil- "Kingdom of Ash" de Sarah J. Maas. Este es el último libro en la serie épica "Throne of Glass", y lloré como nunca. Hay 13 razones específicas por las cuales lloré, pero no diré más. El libro es bello y el final te quita el aliento, pero el alma también. 

Wannabe: un libro que no cumplió con las expectativas. 

Para esta pregunta escogí "The Wrath and the Dawn" por Renée Ahdieh. El concepto aquí es una nueva versión de las historias del medio oriente "Las Mil y Una Noches", donde el rey mata a cada esposa nueva al amanecer por una venganza estúpida; en la historia original, su última esposa Sherezade logra salvar su vida contando una historia distinta todas las noches. 

En esta nueva versión, los personajes son más humanizados, especialmente el rey. Se nos da una razón por la cual él hacía sus crímenes. Pero este libro junto con su secuela simplemente se sintió superficiales. Siento que se pudo haber hecho muchísimo más con una historia con tanto potencial. 

Posh Spice: tu libro clásico favorito. 

Pues no sé bien si se considere un clásico, pero amo "Memoirs of a Geisha" por Arthur Golden. Luego de leerlo, me enteré que varias cosas en el libro no son totalmente ciertas en cuestión de la cultura de las geishas; sin embargo, continúo amando el libro con todo mi corazón. 

Say You'll Be There: un libro al cual regresarás 
una y otra vez. 

"His Dark Materials", sin pensarlo dos veces. Tengo planificado leerlo al menos una vez cada año. Vean su adaptación en HBO Max si pueden, quedó hermosa. 

Ginger Spice: un libro con un romance ardiente. 

Pues no sé cuán ardiente haya sido, pero "Carry On" de Rainbow Rowell tiene un romance tan bello. No soy de leer libros de amor, no me gustan; me tienden a aburrir rápidamente, ya que prefiero un libro con romance incluido a uno cuyo tema principal sea el amor. Sin embargo, este fue la excepción. A pesar de que el romance no es su tema principal, acaparó mucho de la trama. Además, fue el primer romance gay que leí, lo cual creo que hizo que me gustara más. 

Spice Up Your Life: un libro que te sacó de una 
depresión literaria. 

La depresión literaria es lo que inglés se llama "reading slump". No es otra cosa que acabar un libro o serie, y quedar tan destruido emocionalmente que no encuentras cómo continuar. O a veces simplemente no te llega la motivación para leer. 

En este caso escogí la serie "The Princess Diaries" por Meg Cabot. Me vale madres que sea una serie fresita. Me distraen y me entretienen bastante, tienen muchas lecciones envueltas, incluyen múltiples referencias a la cultura popular, y son rápidos de leer. 

Y son mejores que la película. 

Sporty Spice: un libro que disfrutraste que 
incluía deportes. 

No estoy seguro de cuán deportivo sea, pero el segundo libro de "Shades of Magic" por V. E. Schwab tiene una competencia mágica entre hechiceros por la mayor parte del libro; se llama "A Gathering of Shadows". ¿Eso cuenta? 

Stop: un libro que consumió todo tu tiempo, o que causó 
que no pensaras nada más. 

Para esta pregunta escogí la trilogía completa de Marissa Meyer "Renegades". En estos libros nos encontramos con un mundo donde los súper héroes sí existen, pero no todos están de acuerdo con ellos. La protagonista, Nova, es una villana; ella piensa que el mundo estaría mejor sin súper poderes, sin villanos y sin héroes, ya que considera que la sociedad se ha vuelto demasiado dependiente en sus súper héroes y que los endiosamos demasiado. 

Los libros presentan muchas ideas filosóficas muy interesantes. Tienen acción en casi cada capítulo, personajes LGBT fuertes, y un romance cliché de enemigos a amantes que me enamoró. 

Scary Spice: un libro con mucha chispa y agallas. 

En los 90, Gregory Maguire decidió escribir "Wicked: The Life and Times of the Wicked Witch of the West", y después de ahí nadie más volvió a ver al mundo de Oz de la misma manera. Esta historia narra el trasfondo de la bruja mala del Mago de Oz, llamada Elphaba. El libro, y sus secuelas, son exclusivamente para adultos. 

Presentan un mundo bien oscuro, con temas serios como la violencia doméstica, el suicidio, fanatismo religioso, violación, anarquía política, bestialismo, tortura, el análisis del bien y del mal, y otros temas. 

Who Do You Think You Are: un libro con un personaje que querías 
darle una bofetada. 

Como ya he mencionado antes, la serie de "Disney Twisted Tales" es una de mis favoritas, y recientemente leí "Straight On Till Morning", el cual es una versión más oscura de Peter Pan. El libro fue bello y lo amé de principio a fin, pero el personaje de Peter Pan... señor. 

Lo que antes me gustaba de él ahora lo encuentro irritante. Sigue siendo un héroe de mi infancia, y sigo amando su historia. Pero definitivamente el mirarlo como adulto cambió mi perspectiva y de verdad había veces que sólo quería darle una cachetada a ver si reaccionaba. 

Culminando la primera parte, paso ahora a la segunda. 

Un amor llamado Spice Girls 

¿Alguna vez has escuchado una canción y sientes que hace click contigo? ¿Sientes que te ha hablado directamente a ti? Eso es lo que siento desde la primera vez que las escuché. Estaba en tercer grado para eso, y una compañera de la escuela trajo la película de ellas, "Spice World", para que la viéramos. Desde ahí el resto es historia.

A lo mejor parezco exagerado, pero créanme que en los días en que peor me siento, la música de ellas es de las pocas cosas que me animan. Sus canciones me enseñaron tantas lecciones, tales como: 

💀 Amarme más a mí, mucho antes de amar a alguien más. 

🍭 Los amores van y vienen, pero las amistades verdaderas son para siempre. 

💓 No importa lo que los demás piensen de ti, sólo cómo tú te sientes contigo mismo. 

👠 Una vida sexual saludable y responsable no tiene nada de malo. 

⚽ Disfruta cada momento, cada risa, cada lágrima, cada triunfo y cada derrota. El tiempo no regresa.

💓 No abandones tus amistades por una pareja. 

💀 No temas ser tú mismo; las personas correctas te amarán, así como eres. 

👠 Lucha por siempre ser la mejor versión de ti mismo. 

🍭 Los límites son importantes; no le aceptes estupideces a nadie. 

⚽ Los malos tiempos no son eternos, y no tomes por sentado los días buenos. 

Desde niño hasta el día que muera, seguiré siendo un fan de las Spice Girls. Por Geri, Melanie B, Emma, Melanie C y Victoria; por su poder femenino, y por la lección de amistad y positivismo que nos han dado. Salud 🍹

Créditos al artista. 

P.S. Hay pruebas en internet para ver cuál Spice Girl eres. Siempre me sale Geri, pero mi favorita es Victoria. 

I Read a Book so Sad it Made Me Smile

Recently, I decided to give a try to a children's book. This isn't my favorite type of literature, but I said, "Why not?" If I don't like it, then I don't have to continue with the rest of the series, since this particular book has several sequels. The book I am talking about is "The Bad Beginning", the first installment in "A Series of Unfortunate Events". 

It's a very short book, having 162 pages or so. You can read it one sitting, if you have time, and it's not complicated to understand. I must clarify: don't think that just because it's a children's book it's going to be "dumb" or boring. Quite the contrary! Even though I'm a twenty-something adult and I generally prefer more mature literature, I still enjoyed the novel. Children will probably enjoy it more than I did, but still. It was a pretty cool read. 

Now, I know of some friends who know nothing about this series and its world, and haven't seen the series' adaptations. So, what is it about? 

"A Series of Unfortunate Events" is a series of thirteen books narrated by fictional Lemony Snicket; he's the narrator, not the author. The books tell the misadventures of the three Baudelaire orphans: Violet, Klaus and Sunny. Once belonging to a wealthy, happy family, it all comes to an end when their parents die in a fire that consumes their house and belongings. According to their parents' will, the children must love with their closest relative, which is (supposedly) Count Olaf. 

The Count is a horribly cruel man, who treats the children like slaves. He is verbally, emotionally, and physically abusive with them; needless to say, the children suffer a lot under his tutelage. The Count is after the Baudelaire's fortune, but then he learns that the children won't inherit the money until Violet (the eldest) comes of age. Therefore, Count Olaf starts planning on ways he can have the children's wealth, even if it means murdering them. 

After the children's stay with Count Olaf, and fouling his devious plan to marry Violet and get her fortune, the Baudelaire's move from one relative to another, from place to place, escaping from Count Olaf and his minions. The children face countless hardships and tragedies throughout the novels, and they barely escape with their lives from every danger that comes in their way. 

As for the book itself, there were many things I liked, and I wasn't really expecting to like so many things about it. First of all, the characters. They are truly the heart of the book, including both heroes and villains. The children especially capture your heart from the very first page, as you can't help but feel sorry for them, give them a huge hug and a safe place to stay. 

Violet is the eldest Baudelaire and fourteen at the beginning of the series; by the end of the books, she's sixteen. Violet is distinguished by being a natural leader, a caring person, and also kind, polite and resourceful. She can be headstrong and gets frustrated with adults, and she will always put her siblings first. She's an inventor since a young age, and she's capable of creating many useful things that help her and her siblings escape from danger. 

Klaus is the middle child, and shares a close relationship with Violet. Like his elder sister, he's very protective of Sunny. He is twelve years old by the beginning of the series, and fourteen at the end. Klaus is alike his sister in politeness and kindness; he's also resourceful and strong. He is a very observant boy, who questions everything and everyone, and can be quite spirited. Klaus is an avid reader from a young age, and he read almost every single one of the books that used to exist in his former house; his book knowledge saves the three of them multiple times. 

Sunny is the youngest of the Baudelaire orphans, being around one year old by the start of the series and three around the end. Even though she's only a baby, she is as polite as her siblings, and does a lot of things that a normal can't do, such as: swordfight, being a secretary, and climbing with her own teeth. The latter is her most distinguishing feature; by the beginning of the books, Sunny has only four teeth which are so sharp that can cut through rock. Her siblings have been aided by this biting ability more than once. 

Then of course, there's Count Olaf himself. A devious man full of malice, greed, bad manners and a serious case of disorganization in his house. The Count is the series main villain, and he's always persecuting the Baudelaire orphans to murder them and take their wealth. He uses multiple disguises to hunt the kids, and he murders anyone who comes between him and the children, including their tutors.

 Now that I've talked about the characters, another thing I enjoyed with the book was the language and how it was used. The book is written in a very simple way, so children can understand it. Nevertheless, it's engaging and fun, and it successfully transmits the gloomy atmosphere of the story. But what I liked the most about the language was the vocabulary words. The author uses several words that might not be understood the first time you read them, so he provides a definition of such word and an example within the story. For example: when the children are informed of their parents' death, the informer uses the word "perished". The author makes a quick pause on which he explains what perished means, and writes an example using the book's situation at hand. This particular element for me is fascinating, and very helpful for all readers. 

The third element that I liked from the book was the setting. The world of the Baudelaire children is set in a timeless place. The book has drawings, which represent different types of clothes, objects and architecture from different eras. The story might take place in the 40's, 50's, 90's or 2020 for all we know. This for me is a brilliant thing, as the books never grow old, they are never stuck in one place in history. The setting also has a very gloomy, depressing atmosphere which I adore; the drawings that accompany the story reinforce this gloomy aspect. 

The last thing I liked about the story were the ideas present in it. Yes, the book and its sequels can be quite depressing at times. They have a big amount of darkness in them, and they are not to be taken lightly. I mean, we're talking about a group of siblings who are being continuously hunted by a man who wants to murder them. The children are tortured in many ways, they never find solace, their tutors are murdered one by one, most adults don't believe or help them, they have no place to go, and the only people they can really count on is themselves. But this last idea is what the makes the story so special. 

As I said, the story can be very sad. But it also has some beautiful aspects. One of them is the theme of hope. No matter what happens, the Baudelaire children give each other hope when they need it most, believing that someday they will escape from their trauma and survive despite de darkness that surrounds them. Resilience is also a very big theme in the story; the children use their unique, individual talents to defeat the villains and strive under the circumstances. They never give up easily, and are always ready to fight their monsters. And last but not least, the biggest theme of all is family love.

The Baudelaire kids love each other deeply, They uplift their spirits, give each other a reason to go on, and no matter how cruel the world might be, they don't let that cruelty shape or destroy them. It shows us that family will always be there, that our siblings are people we can count on if we trust them, and that home will always be the brightest place in the world. But where is hope when your house is burned to the ground and your parents die with it? Easy: home is where the heart is. Wherever the orphans may be, as long as they have each other, they will always be home. 

The only thing I didn't like about the book was how short it was! I was surprised to see how much I wanted to go on, and now I can't wait to read the second book, following the unfortunate events that fall upon the children. 

"A Series of Unfortunate Events" has been adapted twice.. The first time was as a movie, and the second one as a Netflix series. I'm not a big fan of both works, but they do have their strengths and weaknesses.

The movie was a terrible adaptation, in the sense that it mixed three books into one movie, and the plot didn't really work. But they captured the timeless setting of the story quite well, the casting was pretty good, and the story as a whole was presented correctly: a sad tale, with tragic heroes and terrible villains. I wasn't a fan of Jim Carrey as Count Olaf, but at least he could look menacing when he needed to. The movie managed to make you feel deeply sad for the children and their situation, which is a success. 

The Netflix adaptation also has a good casting. The children in this version are better suited for their book counterparts, and I like how they act better. The setting looks gloomier, the music is good, and they follow the books a little closer. But there are two things I seriously dislike about the TV series. One of them is the tone of it all. They made the series too funny, too silly, and they dumbed down the tone. Yes, the books have an absurdist element to them, but that doesn't make them a comedy. I hate it so much when children's stories are dumbed down, which is something that Disney tends to do a lot nowadays by the way. At least the movie took the story more seriously; the series is black comedy, and it's not even good. 

The other thing I didn't like about the Netflix adaptation was the casting of Count Olaf. Here he is played by Neil Patrick Harris, and even though he looks the part, he doesn't know how to act it. His Count Olaf is completely preposterous (ridiculous) and stupid. I hate it so much when villains are portrayed that way. Count Olaf is not someone you're supposed to laugh at; he is absurd a lot of times, but that doesn't make him a comic relief. He is a monster in human skin, and Neil Patrick Harris wasn't able to capture that. I believe the fault doesn't fall completely on him, because I think the director and writers have a lot to do with that. But still... his portrayal makes me cringe more than it makes me cheer. Also, why is he practically the center of the series? Yes, he's the main villain, but the protagonists are the Baudelaire orphans, not him. 

In conclusion, I really liked this first book. I think I will continue reading the series, as I'm very intrigued by it. It's the first time a children's book gets me excited to read more, even when I was a kid. I don't plan on continuing watching the Netflix series though. I don't like wasting my time on things I know I'm not going to like. I'd rather read the books, and no let the adaptation ruin the experience for me. 

If you are interested in books about: orphans, horrible villains, bad actors, giant snakes, wide windows, ladies obsessed with grammar, mysterious societies, incompetent adults, miserable mills, an austere academy, an inventor, a reader and a biter- then these books are for you. But fair warning: there is no happy ending, and very few happy things in between. If you're like me, this is exactly the type of story you're looking for. 

P.S. I wish I could adopt the Baudelaire children. Those three deserve a break. 

Books to Movie Adaptations that Almost Made Me an Alcoholic

Man, you have to be thankful I'm not a big drinker. If I had taken a shot of alcohol for every thing these movies ruined while adapting their book counterparts, I would be a serious alcoholic by now. I don't even think even AA could save me. 

In today's post, I will be discussing some movie adaptations of books I've read. All have one thing in common: they failed epically and horribly. I can't even begin to describe how awful they are, especially compared to their source material. If they had been stand-alone, original movies, then maybe they could have been better. But no. They were adapted from great or at least decent books, and made into a cinematic piece of crap. 

For each book to movie adaptation, I will be "taking a shot" from a bottle of alcohol, so to speak. I will be giving a rating to the movie as well, and mention how intoxicated I would be by the end of such movie. 

Without further due, let's get started. 

Give me a shot of whiskey for: "Vampire Academy"

I felt so betrayed by this movie, in a very personal level. The "Vampire Academy" books by Richelle Mead are pretty cool; they're fun to read, the characters are great, and even though the plots tend to move and build up very slowly, they always make up for it with jaw-dropping endings. The books deal with two best friends, Rose and Lisa who study in Saint Vladimir Academy, which is a school for vampires. Rose is a dhampir, a type of vampire meant to protect the moroi. Lisa is a moroi, the most powerful type of vampire with access to magic; she's also a vampire princess. Reading the books, it felt as if I was reading "Heathers" but a vampire version. It was dark, funny, gritty, with dark humor, lots of action sequences and a romance worthy of the world. But the movie sucked. 

With such a cringe worthy tagline, 
no wonder it failed. 

The movie's effects were trash, period. Most of the characters felt bland, even though I enjoyed the acting of the lead actresses. They took out all of the fun of the books, and all of the feeling as well. The books deal with some serious issues, such as self-harm and depression and they were important; in the movie they're not even mentioned. It felt like I was watching just another teen movie, or like watching "Mean Girls 2", or worse: "Twilight" meets "Harry Potter". It was all bright colors and cheap cliché dialogues, with no real substance. I feel personally victimized by this crappy adaptation like you have no idea. 

So, my rating for the movie is: 

And I'm being generous. 

Level of intoxication: A little tipsy, but I'm okay. 


Give me a margarita for: "Beautiful Creatures"

Oh good lord... where do I even begin with this one? 

Alright. First of all, the book and the rest of the series (called "The Caster Chronicles") was amazing. It deals with this popular guy named Ethan who's in the basketball team, has some very cool friends, and has pretty girls surrounding him. His life turns upside down when the local boogey man's niece arrives into town. We're talking about a small, southern town in the States; in this town, prejudice is abundant and hidden magic too, for the new girl whose name is Lena is a witch, or caster as they prefer to be called. Ethan and Lena soon become entangled, sparking a love that could burn the town (literally). These books are very dark, in ways I never though a YA series could be, which was unexpectedly beautiful. 

The movie though... the only similarities were the names and that's it. Ethan was made into an angsty asshole who thought he was better than everyone, important characters were eliminated or mashed up with others, and the villains were absolutely ruined. The main evil witch was portrayed horribly, and Lena's cousin Ridley was made so bland and boring; Ridley I should say is a caster with the power of seduction and mind control, and a very bad witch. I was expecting to see her most of all, but her characterization was crappy to say the least. The very magic system of the books which was so detailed and fully explained, was completely changed in the movie. The result was an awful mess. 

My rating for the "Beautiful Creatures" movie is: 

I don't give it one star only because of Lena and Ridley's actresses. 
They did a good job with the piece of crap they were given. 

Level of intoxication: I'm just wasted man. Period. 

Now please give me some tequila for: "Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince"

You guys already know how I feel about Harry Potter. I don't hate it, but I don't like it much either- and J.K. Rowling isn't helping! 

Regardless, the books were pretty cool I guess. The magic system was well explained, even though it isn't my favorite. The characters were memorable and the plots were good most of the time. And of course, there's the nostalgia involved considering my generation grew up with these books and their movie adaptations. Most of these adaptations were decent, but the one for the sixth book was just awful. 

They left out the characterization and development of several characters, including Ginny and Neville. They never showed key parts such as when the characters saw Neville's parents in the hospital for wizards. Unnecessary things were added, like when Bellatrix burned down the Weasleys house. Other characters and their story lines felt bland and incongruent, totally inconsistent with their book counterparts. The color palette for the movie was also terrible; it looked bleached of color, dull and boring. And lastly... Harry's and Ginny's romance that just came out of the blue. In the books it had been building up at least a little, and book Ginny could kick movie Ginny's ass any given day. But in the movies it felt like this: "Oh I suddenly realized I like you, out of the blue. Let's make out, stare at each other awkwardly and stuff."

Therefore, my rating for this movie is: 

I should give it a 0.

How intoxicated I am? By this point, I can't even remember my name. 

Pretty readers, give me now a bottle of fine wine for: "League of Extraordinary Gentlemen"

Now that I finally got to read the comic, let me tell you: it was so GOOD! I will probably be making a review of it later on. 

For now, the premise is quite simple: a world threat is arising in the late 1800's. A group of people are put together by a mister Bond, who entrusts Mina Murray from "Dracula" to track and enlist several men for their mission: Prince Dakkar a.k.a Captain Nemo, Allan Quatermain, Dr. Henry Jekyll and his evil counterpart Mr. Edward Hyde, and Hawley Griffin- the Invisible Man. Together they form a league to save the world from an imminent threat, using their powers or skills to fight against evil. They do not like each other, and they are very problematic, but together they make it work. One very special thing about this group is that it's lead by Mina, and it isn't very common to have a group of heroes being lead by a woman. 

The movie adaptation of this brilliant piece of work came out in the early 2000's. It had a good cast, lead by Sean Connery. But if failed miserably. First, they made Mina a vampire and a side character; what was so special about her was that she led the league, without any super powers and using only her intelligence, wisdom, strength and strategy. Here she's wasted by being represented as the mere female sidekick. Allan Quatermain was made into the perfect man and hero, when in the comics he struggles with drug addiction, which in my opinion humanizes him more. The Invisible Man was not a good person in the comics, nor was Mr. Hyde, but in the movie they are just misunderstood. Captain Nemo is not dark and mysterious as in the comics, just an eccentric pirate. 

Also, they added Dorian Grey because reasons and made him the traitor, when that traitor part was meant for another character. And Hollywood being Hollywood they added Tom Sawyer, because they just needed to have an American character mixed in the plot. The color palette of the movie was dull, all grey (hehe) and boring. Nemo's Nautilus looked so plain, the effects were disastrous (don't make me talk about Hyde) and the ending was plain stupid. 

My rating for this sorry excuse of a movie: 

My intoxication level is... well. With this movie, I wonder how I'm still alive. 

I will take the whole bottle of vodka for the next one: "The Lightning Thief"

Just why? Why????? 

The first book in the Percy Jackson series was epic. Period. I read it again and again and I never get tire of it. It's fun, adventurous, and it explores the concepts of Greek mythology amazingly well. Thanks to this book and its sequels I fell even more in love with Greek mythology, and it helped me understand several things about it that used to confuse me. Also, the diversity representation in these books is amazing; from disabled characters, to racially and sexually diverse ones. It's pure perfection, as easy as that. 

The only thing the movie has in common with the book is the characters' names. That's about it. 

First of all, the characters were aged up; they looked like they were near their twenties, when they were actually 12, and the age was a very important part of the plot. The reasons for the gods not visiting their children was changed: in the books, the gods are super busy with the whole world and don't have a lot of time to spare, but mostly they just don't interfere in their children's lives because they don't want to; in the movie it's because of a stupid random rule established by Zeus, which is even worse. 

F**** you anyone who was involved with this. 

And Annabeth... by the gods. Being Athena's daughter, Annabeth's main power is her wisdom, strategy and intelligence. She's the main reason why Percy is still alive. She's also blonde, which serves for breaking the stereotype against blonde women. But in the movie she's left to being Percy's love interest and that's it. She becomes a brunette instead of a blonde, because apparently blonde girls can't be smart. Her brain power is barely touched upon, and she's left as being only a good fighter and sidekick; let me tell you- Annabeth Chase is no man's sidekick. 

A lot of the mythology aspects presented in the movie didn't make sense at all as well, and the way Camp Half-Blood was portrayed was plain ugly. 

My rating for this piece of shit is: 

You deserve that 0. 

Level of intoxication: Just bury me at this point. 

I will be taking a piña colada mixed with alcohol for: "The Hobbit"

I read "The Hobbit" before "The Fellowship of the Ring". It was pretty cool. It was fun, even if some parts dragged a bit. It had several funny parts, and some that were quite dark- looking at you Gollum. But it was a good book. The plot was not overly complicated, so it could have been done in a single movie. Then why on earth was "The Hobbit" was made intro a cinematic trilogy??

 

Several effects were pretty bad, as when Galadriel used her power against Sauron. Unnecessary characters and story lines were added, which felt forced especially considering they didn't even exist in the original source material. Also... what was that about Galadriel and Gandalf being romantically involved? That doesn't even make sense! It doesn't even match the story line of that world created by J. R. R. Tolkien. 

The fact that "The Hobbit" was made into a trilogy is a perfect example of how Hollywood is starving for more money. 

My rating: 

Three because of Galadriel. 
She's perfect. 

My level of intoxication: I'm only a little dizzy, I'm okay. 



For this one, I will be drinking a beer: "The Mortal Instruments: City of Bones"

The first movie in the "Shadowhunters Chronicles" by Cassandra Clare. This was the very beginning, the one and only book that introduced us to the queen of urban fantasy. Granted, the book isn't perfect. But it was still cool, you know? It introduced us to the world of the shadowhunters and all their politics and magic. With this book I met the urban fantasy genre, and it left me with a taste for more. 

For me, "City of Bones" spoke to my teenager soul and it still mesmerizes me in my twenties. It was full of so many adventures, and a world ripe for discovering and exploring. It was fantastic! Also, the characters were EVERYTHING, even the villains. The shadowhunters, the warlocks, the werewolves, the faeries, the demons and the vampires... they all felt like home. 

When I saw the movie, I was expecting the same level of greatness, but that obviously didn't happen. The first mistake for me was the casting; only Lily Collins was well casted in my opinion. The actor that they used for Jace did a very bad job portraying him, and several other members of the cast as well. Some action sequences were added and they were completely unnecessary. The plot was made longer than it really was, the gear used by the shadowhunters to fight demons was changed into a hipster-meets-emo-meets-rock-band outfit, and Clary's powers were completely ruined. 

It's still a fun movie, but compared to the source material... meh. 

My rating for this disaster is: 

I mean, it was bad. 
But Percy Jackson was worse. 

My level of intoxication: I can still walk. 

Stepping into this next book, I will be drinking a scotch on the rocks for: "The Golden Compass"

Words can't describe my love for "His Dark Materials" by Philip Pullman. It's one of my favorite books ever! I've learned and grown with them as a person, and to put it simply, my life hasn't been the same after reading them. If you want to know more about it, one of my first blog posts was about that, so check it out. 

Where did the movie fail? Not the effects; those were decent. Not the characters; most of them were portrayed correctly. Instead, it failed in two things: the themes in the story, and the way the plot was adapted. The book deals with serious topics, including a direct attack at Christianity and religion in general, but the movie left this outside of the plot, and sometimes it was shown but very subtly; almost imperceptibly. I'm sorry, but that theme is one of THE most important in the book, as it essentially affects most of the book's plot. 

As for the way the plot was adapted, it felt very superficial. Key elements of the plot were abandoned, others barely explored. It felt as just another fantasy story, when it's really so much more than that. Moreover, the ending was changed and that was a fatal mistake. The ending of the book is quite dark and tragic (I won't spoil it here), and it changed the protagonist forever; the movie's ending was more optimistic, brighter and full of hope. Meh. There was a reason for that tragedy to occur, you know? It was very important not only for the protagonist, but for the plot of the next two books. 

My rating of "The Golden Compass": 

My level of intoxication: I'm fine for now, I don't see anything too blurry. 

Taking a Bailey's Irish Cream, I dive now into: "Miss Peregrine's Home for Peculiar Children"

The book wasn't my favorite, but it was still a fun read. It was something unexpected, as I have never read anything like it. The book and all its sequels include a bunch of creepy, vintage pictures that make you feel as if you're reading a horror novel for teenagers. 

The plot was good, the characters were well fleshed out (at least most of them), the twists were unexpected, and the world created by the author was beautiful in a creepy, scary way. The characters were the top of the cream, though. Most of them had powers, and several of those I had never read or seen before. My only complain with the books is the length of the chapters, because I feel they are too long for my taste. 

When the movie was announced, I was expecting something so great. When I heard Tim Burton was going to direct it, and Eva Green was going to portray Miss Peregrine, I was more than excited. The I went to the movies to see it, and I realized I had made the worst mistake of my life. 

Tim Burton did a total mess, period. The characters were mixed and their powers changed, in ways that were completely unlogic. A fight scene was added between the children and their enemies that albeit being a fun sequence, it was altogether unnecessary. Several rules of the established magic system of the books was changed, and the ending was made into a cheerful, bright thing. What's the problem with Hollywood and dark endings? 

Last but not least, I have an issue with Emma's portrayal. She's the female lead of the books, with the power to conjure fire with her hands, while in the movie her powers are some weird air and floating thing, and she's downgraded to being the romantic interest of the protagonist. 

My rating of this... thing: 

My level of intoxication: I love everyone!!! Let me call my ex, that seems like a good idea. 

Give me several shots of Sambuca, because now I'm talking about: "A Wrinkle in Time"

Let me start by saying I didn't like the book, at all. It was an inconsistent story for me, with too many discrepancies. Many things were not explained well, including how their magic system works. To this day, I don't really know if the book is a fantasy or science fiction genre, or both. I don't know man. The three ladies that help Meg, the protagonist, are not defined well and are annoying as hell. What are they supposed to be? Stars? Witches? Angels? The Female Holy Trinity? Nah, that last one goes to the Charlie's Angels. 

The ideas in the book were cool, but not well explained in my opinion. It's sad because this a favorite book for many people out there, but it just didn't work for me. I was hoping that with the movie my thoughts would change, that I would be able to see all the wonder I was unable to appreciate in the source material. Girl, was I wrong. 

I'm sorry but just because a movie has diversity included, that doesn't make it good. A lot of people defended this movie only because of its diversity, disregarding all the things that make it awful. The effects were a big no for me- let's start with that. It was pure CGI porn; all flashy and brilliant effects, but no real substance. It felt empty and void of any real feeling. All the book's heart was lost in that sea of CGI. 

As for the characters, they wee forgettable at best. One of the ladies turned into a giant lettuce to carry the children for a pointless ride, because reasons. The kids felt bland, except for Meg who's actress actually did a decent job with the material she was given. But the other two kids... Charles Wallace, the little one, was annoying to no end, and Meg's love interest was lame. Sorry not sorry. 

For me the worst mistake of this movie was how they lost all the feeling presented in the book. The inconsistencies were more in the movie, and I left it not understanding a thing I saw. If anything, I was more confused with the movie than with the book.

Rating for this movie: 

Two because Oprah. 

Level of intoxication: I'm going to die. 

Considering what I will be writing about now, I'll take a Bloody Mary for: "The Queen of the Damned"

Anne Rice is the queen of vampires, there's not question about that. She rocked the entire world with her first vampire book "Interview with the Vampire", the first work of fiction centered around the perspective of the vampire/the monster. The movie was made, it was a success, and the work in general has become a cult classic. 

I read the book and two of its sequels: "The Vampire Lestat" and "Queen of the Damned". They were dark and sexy, beautiful and scary, the ones that made me fall in love with the dark side. But that movie, "The Queen of the Damned", was a travesty. 

They mixed the Lestat book with the Queen one. The result? A horrible, bloody mess. The Queen felt more like a side character rather than the main villain, and the rich story that Anne Rice created for her character was destroyed. The book also explores how vampires came to be, and the story is rich with mythology and lore. Needless to say, none of this beauty was translated to screen. Anne Rice herself was appalled by the movie result, and I can't say I blame her.

Also the effects were so cringe worthy. 

The only good thing about the movie was the Queen herself, portrayed by late singer Aaliyah. Rest in power sweet angel. 

Rating for "The Queen of the Damned": 

Two because Aaliyah was great. 

My level of intoxication: Sleeping in a ditch. 

Last but not least, a couple of Schnapps for: "Twilight"

Good lord, I can't believe I'm writing anything positive about this shit. 

The book is one I loathe. There's not secret there. If you happen to like "Twilight", that's totally fine, I don't really care. But despite me hating anything related to this book, I do have to admit that it has its charm. The charm of "Twilight" for me falls in the characters. Even though I have several issues with them, at least they have substance. Bella, despite her many flaws, is a full fleshed character, just like Edward and the rest of the Cullen/Hale clan. She's still her own person, her own self. The writing style also has its charm; it's addictive, and it makes you feel part of the story. 

Say what you want about "Twilight", 
but you have to admit the covers were beautiful. 

But as with other adaptations I previously discussed, the movie takes all substance from the source material. The characters feel more shallow than their book counterparts, and they don't even seem like real people (yes, I know they're vampires but whatever). All the things that made Bella tolerable in the book were completely lost in the adaptation, for example: book Bella acknowledges her faults and stupid decisions, and she actually works (sometimes) to improve herself; movie Bella justifies every stupid thing she does and she is never held accountable for her actions. 

I hate "Twilight", but if I had to choose, I would always go with the books. 

My rating: 

Level of intoxication: Help... 

Dude, this was so fun to write! I hope you guys liked it and stuff. Disclaimer: I don't drink half of those alcohol beverages I mentioned. 

See you next Sunday! 

P.S. The "Darkest Minds" adaptation was also a piece of trash.