12 Days of Christmas Book Tag

Greetings everyone, and Happy Holidays! This week I was exploring some book tags, since you know I love them to pieces. I wanted a book tag inspired by Christmas and I found this one! The questions are cute and fun, therefore I'm going into them today. This tag was originally created by Lizzie Loves Books on YouTube, so make sure to check her answers as well. 

For this tag, I will be answering a list of quick twelve questions inspired by the classic Christmas song, "Twelve Days of Christmas". Each of the questions has a book motif, clearly, and I will try to answer them as honestly as possible. 

Let's get started!!! 

On the First Day of Christmas, my true love sent to me: 

a Partridge in a Pear Tree. 

The partridge stood alone in the pear tree. What is your favorite stand alone? 

 

I have read many stand alone books, but I think my favorite one would be "Big Little Lies" by Liane Moriarty. This book shook me to the very core, and it made me confront many parts of me that had been hurt. I usually don't read contemporary, but I made a (happy) exception for this one.

On the Second Day of Christmas, my true love sent to me: 

Two Turtle Doves.

Love is in the air! Who is your one true pairing? 

My eternal OTP will always be Simon and Baz from "Carry On" by Rainbow Rowell. They were the first main LGBT+ couple I read in a fantasy book, and it was a huge thing for me. I will always love them to pieces no matter what. They're cute together and help each other grow, which is relationship goals through and through. Also, the romance between is worth a swoon or two. 

On the Third Day of Christmas, my true love sent to me: 

Three French Hens. 

In the spirit of threes, what is the best trilogy you have read? 

I had a couple of answers for this one, but I think I'll go with "The Magicians" trilogy by Lev Grossman. Even though I generally prefer series to trilogies, this one will always have a main place in my heart. This is one of the best magic systems I've read about, so I highly recommend it. I can't wait to read the new spin-off comics! 

On the Fourth Day of Christmas, my true love sent to me: 

Four Calling Birds.

Since series usually consist of four or more books, what is your favorite series? 

This question was particularly hard, since I love reading series and I have a lot of favorites. After thinking about it, I decided to just mention one, which is the "Disney Twisted Tales" series. These books have different authors, with each story covering a different Disney tale, giving it a unique twist. I know lots of people don't like them, but I do. 

On the Fifth Day of Christmas, my true love sent to me: 

Five Golden Rings. 

One ring to rule them all! Who is your favorite villain/antagonist? 

Marisa Coulter is one heinous person that I hate to love, and love to hate. She is described as the mother of evil, and they are not exaggerating. She's cruel, vicious, manipulative, corrupted, and altogether a great villain to read about. 

On the Sixth Day of Christmas, my true love sent to me: 

Six Geese a Laying. 

Creation is  beautiful thing. What is your favorite world/world-building? 

Again, I had quite a lot of options here, since I've read some very beautiful world-buildings. But today I think I'm going with "The Wicked Years" by Gregory Maguire. These books explore the life and death of the Wicked Witch of the West, and what came after that. The Oz Maguire created is quite complex, with its own politics, religion, economics, education and society standards. It's a very dark take on Oz, which is why I love it. 

On the Seventh Day of Christmas, my true love sent to me: 

Seven Swans a Swimming. 

Who needs seven swans when all it takes is one good animal sidekick? 

Who's your favorite animal sidekick? 

For this question, I chose Pogo the monkey from the "Umbrella Academy" comics by Gerard Way. Pogo is a monkey that talks, dresses, behaves and thinks like a human. He always loved the Hargreeves children and took care them while they were growing up. His ending was too sad. 

On the Eighth Day of Christmas, my true love sent to me: 

Eight Maids a Milking. 

Milk is so 18th century. Which book or series takes beverages/food

to a whole new level? 

This one is easy! For the eighth question I chose "The Lord of the Rings" by J. R. R. Tolkien. Anyone who has read the books, or at least seen the movies, knows that Hobbits are obsessed with good food and comfort. I mean, they have second breakfasts! If I could visit someone for eating, I would definitely visit a Hobbit. 

On the Ninth Day of Christmas, my true love sent to me: 

Nine Ladies Dancing. 

Dancing is just one skill of a Lady. Who is your favorite kickass 

female lead? 

One of my favorite leading ladies is Bryce Quinlan, from the "Crescent City" series by Sarah J. Maas. We currently only have the first book in the series, but miss Quinlan managed to find a way into my heart from the book's very first page. I related a lot to her struggles with mental health, her love for her friends, her internal turmoil and pain, and also her courage. 

Credits to Ida V. on Instagram. 

On the Tenth Day of Christmas, my true love sent to me: 

Ten Lords a Leaping 

How about your favorite leading lad? 

HA!! Percy Jackson, hands down. No question about it. 

On the Eleventh Day of Christmas, my true love sent to me: 

Eleven Pipes Piping. 

What is your favorite book or bookish thing with musical influence? 

I'd have to say the "Scott Pilgrim vs the World" comics by Bryan Lee O'Malley. I mean, the main character is in an actual band, which isn't the best one out there, but they still play some sick music. Aside from Scott's band, there's also his ex known as Envy Adams who is a rock superstar. 

On the Twelfth Day of Christmas, my true love sent to me: 

Twelve Drummers Drumming. 

Drum roll please!!!

What is your favorite read of this year? 

Now this one was difficult to answer, especially considering that the year isn't over. But I believe it's "One True King" by Soman Chainani. This is the last book in the "School for Good and Evil" series. I'm currently still reading it; I'm a little over the book's middle. The story is brilliant and addictive, and it has redefined the concepts of friendship, fairy tales, love, good and evil in hundreds of ways. Already a lot of beloved characters have died, and I suspect that by the end of it many more will bite the dust as well. 

Alright, so that's all for today! Thank you for stopping by again and I'll see you guys next Sunday. I know this post was quite simple, but I do hope every one who reads it enjoys it at least a little.  

P.S. The pandemic isn't over just because you're over it. The Holidays shouldn't be an excuse for us to lose our guard and be irresponsible. Stay safe and keep your loved ones safe as well.

The End of Percy Jackson

This week, I finally got my hands on "The Tower of Nero" by Rick Riordan. This book brought to conclusion the "Trials of Apollo" series and also the story of Percy Jackson in general. I read it in a couple of days, and I even took a break from school work a whole day just to complete it. Let me tell you... this book wrecked me. 

Before we go into how it emotionally destroyed me, let me give you a quick introduction to it. As I previously stated, "The Tower of Nero" is the last of a series, which is the third in the Percy Jackson story. In the "Trials of Apollo" the mentioned god is turned into a human by his father Zeus, as a punishment for something he did in the previous series. Now Apollo has taken the form of a mortal, with no powers or immortality, and he is made the slave of a little daughter of Demeter called Meg (who is the cutest thing to ever grace a book). 

Credits to Cookie Creation from Tumblr. 

Not only is Apollo a mortal slave, but he must also stop Python, a giant snake of ancient times who has taken control over Apollo's oracles, and with that it could control the very future itself. Not only that, but three ancient, evil Roman emperors are back: Nero, Caligula and and Commodus. They all have one intention: rule over all and kill Apollo. The latter must then rely on demigods, the ones he used for his own benefit in the past, to survive and get his godhood back. Apollo must also learn to be more human, feel compassion and empathy for once in his life, strive without the help of his godly family, and come face to face with the harm he has done as a divinity. 

Nero is a disgusting prick. 

The first time Apollo slayed Python. 

Now, as for "The Tower of Nero" itself, here's a quick review divided between the things I liked and the things I didn't. 

Things I liked: 

First of all, I really liked the writing style. I believe Rick Riordan is a masterful storyteller, and he knows exactly how to make you feel excitement, sadness, joy and desperation all in a couple of pages. The story flowed naturally, and there wasn't a single moment where the story lost its fast pace. The moments of personal reflection and internal monologues were not forced, the action sequences were amazing and so well written, and the emotional moments were (although short and simple) sad enough to shed a tear or two. 

These are the rest of the books in the series. 

Second, the characters were EVERYTHING! They are truly the heart and soul of this book and the rest of the series. Apollo has some major character growth in this series, but this book really cemented his development and the irrevocable truth that Riordan is an expert at character development. You can see how Apollo came from being a selfish, narcissistic and shallow god to someone with real feelings; he became considerate with others, he showed remorse for his mistakes, and he learned how to stay away from his toxic family. He learned to put some healthy boundaries between him and many relatives, which was great to read. 

Apollo really grew as a person. 
And he's smoking hot, which has nothing to do 
with him being the sun god. 

There was also Meg, the daughter of Demeter I previously mentioned. She was raised by the emperor Nero, who was very abusive towards her. During the series, we have Meg struggling with her feelings for Nero, and with her loyalty towards him. There are many signs of PTSD in her, and also the guilt often inflicted in victims by their abusers. In the last book we finally see Meg coming into her own, separating herself from Nero forever and realizing one important truth: it's never the victim's fault. 

Meg was a whole mood during these books.

This character aspect of the book brings me to the third thing I liked, which was the closure moments. You can see how much Riordan is going to miss his literary children, as he carefully places characters from the past in this last novel. Most major characters made a comeback one way or another, and it felt very natural for me; it didn't come off as forced. The book ends giving a proper ending to everyone, with most of the characters ending in a very good place with a hopeful future. Some wounds will never heal for them, such as losing one significant demigod (I won't spoil who it is), and the characters address this. They will never stop mourning their friend, but the best way to honor a loved one's memory is by not giving up, and by being the hero your friend always believed you were. 

Now, the things I didn't like: 

The book was filled with lots of humor, which is the case with all of Riordan's books. And that humor is typically great, but I feel like it was overdone in this series, and "The Tower of Nero" was no exception. There were some moments where I believe humor was not to be used, or at least not used so much; some moments required more seriousness in my opinion. For example, during the final battle against Nero, the latter punches a wrong button (long story) and instead of destroying everyone, some television screens come down from the ceiling. The characters have to fight each other while listening to Fox news. I really didn't like this, because I feel that it took away all the seriousness and danger this moment represented. 

Apollo as a human. He was known as 
Lester. 

Another thing I also didn't like was the final scene with Meg. Yes, it brought closure, but I was expecting more. The scene was over too quickly for me, and it didn't leave me the bittersweet feeling I was expecting. Don't get me wrong, it wasn't bad. After all, Meg ends in a very good place. But still, I was definitely expecting more. 

Credits to the artist!

The true heartbreaking thing of it all for me was realizing that this is the end. There will be no more books in the Percy Jackson world. This was the last year I waited for a new installment in the story, and the last time I will be reading about Percy and his friends. And of course I can go back and reread the books whenever I want, and revisit this world time after time. But it will never be the same. 

I cried a lot while reading "The Tower of Nero", mostly during the final scenes, the ones that brought closure to the characters. It felt as if I was saying goodbye to my friends, to people I deeply love. I started reading these books in my senior year of high school; I was 16 when I started "The Lightning Thief", and it shook me to the core. The Percy Jackson world was with me throughout college, and during my first years of adulthood. I became a teacher and the books were still coming out, including the two companion series- "The Kane Chronicles" based on Egyptian mythology, and "Magnus Chase and the Gods of Asgard" based on Norse mythology. 

I've been with this story for basically ten years already. Ten years is a lot of time! I've grown with these books, and I've learned so many things from them. They made me feel welcome and accepted, I laughed and cried with them, I came out of the closet thanks to them, and they gave me a safe home when everything around me was falling to pieces. No matter how long I live, where I go, what other books I might read: Percy Jackson will always stay with me.   

And now... what? What does the future hold? "The Tower of Nero" ended in such a way that it's open for the story to continue, but I'm not sure Rick Riordan will go back to it. Maybe he will focus on other stories, other mythologies, new characters. But I don't believe he will return to Percy Jackson. Whatever comes now from him, I'll be here for it. Meanwhile, I'll learn to go on. I may being overdramatic, but it really feels as if I lost a friend. I'll continue reading other books, falling in love with new others, but none of them will be like Percy. 

Credits to Nowhere Little Girl from Tumblr. 

An imaginary toast for: 

Percy- son of Poseidon 

Annabeth- daughter of Athena

Grover- a satyr 

Clarisse- daughter of Ares

Thalia- daughter of Zeus 

Piper and Silena- daughters of Aphrodite 

Nico- son of Hades 

Frank- son of Mars 

Leo and Beckendorf- sons of Hephaestus 

Meg- daughter of Demeter 

Hazel- daughter of Pluto 

Will- son of Apollo 

Reyna- Puerto Rican daughter of Bellona 

Connor and Travis- sons of Hermes

Rachel- oracle of Apollo 

Lou Ellen- daughter of Hecate 

Calypso- a former minor goddess

and Jason- son of Jupiter 

Thank you guys, for being my friends and family when I felt more alone than ever. 

P.S. I need some books on Asian and Celtic mythologies, please. 

I Read a Book so Sad it Made Me Smile

Recently, I decided to give a try to a children's book. This isn't my favorite type of literature, but I said, "Why not?" If I don't like it, then I don't have to continue with the rest of the series, since this particular book has several sequels. The book I am talking about is "The Bad Beginning", the first installment in "A Series of Unfortunate Events". 

It's a very short book, having 162 pages or so. You can read it one sitting, if you have time, and it's not complicated to understand. I must clarify: don't think that just because it's a children's book it's going to be "dumb" or boring. Quite the contrary! Even though I'm a twenty-something adult and I generally prefer more mature literature, I still enjoyed the novel. Children will probably enjoy it more than I did, but still. It was a pretty cool read. 

Now, I know of some friends who know nothing about this series and its world, and haven't seen the series' adaptations. So, what is it about? 

"A Series of Unfortunate Events" is a series of thirteen books narrated by fictional Lemony Snicket; he's the narrator, not the author. The books tell the misadventures of the three Baudelaire orphans: Violet, Klaus and Sunny. Once belonging to a wealthy, happy family, it all comes to an end when their parents die in a fire that consumes their house and belongings. According to their parents' will, the children must love with their closest relative, which is (supposedly) Count Olaf. 

The Count is a horribly cruel man, who treats the children like slaves. He is verbally, emotionally, and physically abusive with them; needless to say, the children suffer a lot under his tutelage. The Count is after the Baudelaire's fortune, but then he learns that the children won't inherit the money until Violet (the eldest) comes of age. Therefore, Count Olaf starts planning on ways he can have the children's wealth, even if it means murdering them. 

After the children's stay with Count Olaf, and fouling his devious plan to marry Violet and get her fortune, the Baudelaire's move from one relative to another, from place to place, escaping from Count Olaf and his minions. The children face countless hardships and tragedies throughout the novels, and they barely escape with their lives from every danger that comes in their way. 

As for the book itself, there were many things I liked, and I wasn't really expecting to like so many things about it. First of all, the characters. They are truly the heart of the book, including both heroes and villains. The children especially capture your heart from the very first page, as you can't help but feel sorry for them, give them a huge hug and a safe place to stay. 

Violet is the eldest Baudelaire and fourteen at the beginning of the series; by the end of the books, she's sixteen. Violet is distinguished by being a natural leader, a caring person, and also kind, polite and resourceful. She can be headstrong and gets frustrated with adults, and she will always put her siblings first. She's an inventor since a young age, and she's capable of creating many useful things that help her and her siblings escape from danger. 

Klaus is the middle child, and shares a close relationship with Violet. Like his elder sister, he's very protective of Sunny. He is twelve years old by the beginning of the series, and fourteen at the end. Klaus is alike his sister in politeness and kindness; he's also resourceful and strong. He is a very observant boy, who questions everything and everyone, and can be quite spirited. Klaus is an avid reader from a young age, and he read almost every single one of the books that used to exist in his former house; his book knowledge saves the three of them multiple times. 

Sunny is the youngest of the Baudelaire orphans, being around one year old by the start of the series and three around the end. Even though she's only a baby, she is as polite as her siblings, and does a lot of things that a normal can't do, such as: swordfight, being a secretary, and climbing with her own teeth. The latter is her most distinguishing feature; by the beginning of the books, Sunny has only four teeth which are so sharp that can cut through rock. Her siblings have been aided by this biting ability more than once. 

Then of course, there's Count Olaf himself. A devious man full of malice, greed, bad manners and a serious case of disorganization in his house. The Count is the series main villain, and he's always persecuting the Baudelaire orphans to murder them and take their wealth. He uses multiple disguises to hunt the kids, and he murders anyone who comes between him and the children, including their tutors.

 Now that I've talked about the characters, another thing I enjoyed with the book was the language and how it was used. The book is written in a very simple way, so children can understand it. Nevertheless, it's engaging and fun, and it successfully transmits the gloomy atmosphere of the story. But what I liked the most about the language was the vocabulary words. The author uses several words that might not be understood the first time you read them, so he provides a definition of such word and an example within the story. For example: when the children are informed of their parents' death, the informer uses the word "perished". The author makes a quick pause on which he explains what perished means, and writes an example using the book's situation at hand. This particular element for me is fascinating, and very helpful for all readers. 

The third element that I liked from the book was the setting. The world of the Baudelaire children is set in a timeless place. The book has drawings, which represent different types of clothes, objects and architecture from different eras. The story might take place in the 40's, 50's, 90's or 2020 for all we know. This for me is a brilliant thing, as the books never grow old, they are never stuck in one place in history. The setting also has a very gloomy, depressing atmosphere which I adore; the drawings that accompany the story reinforce this gloomy aspect. 

The last thing I liked about the story were the ideas present in it. Yes, the book and its sequels can be quite depressing at times. They have a big amount of darkness in them, and they are not to be taken lightly. I mean, we're talking about a group of siblings who are being continuously hunted by a man who wants to murder them. The children are tortured in many ways, they never find solace, their tutors are murdered one by one, most adults don't believe or help them, they have no place to go, and the only people they can really count on is themselves. But this last idea is what the makes the story so special. 

As I said, the story can be very sad. But it also has some beautiful aspects. One of them is the theme of hope. No matter what happens, the Baudelaire children give each other hope when they need it most, believing that someday they will escape from their trauma and survive despite de darkness that surrounds them. Resilience is also a very big theme in the story; the children use their unique, individual talents to defeat the villains and strive under the circumstances. They never give up easily, and are always ready to fight their monsters. And last but not least, the biggest theme of all is family love.

The Baudelaire kids love each other deeply, They uplift their spirits, give each other a reason to go on, and no matter how cruel the world might be, they don't let that cruelty shape or destroy them. It shows us that family will always be there, that our siblings are people we can count on if we trust them, and that home will always be the brightest place in the world. But where is hope when your house is burned to the ground and your parents die with it? Easy: home is where the heart is. Wherever the orphans may be, as long as they have each other, they will always be home. 

The only thing I didn't like about the book was how short it was! I was surprised to see how much I wanted to go on, and now I can't wait to read the second book, following the unfortunate events that fall upon the children. 

"A Series of Unfortunate Events" has been adapted twice.. The first time was as a movie, and the second one as a Netflix series. I'm not a big fan of both works, but they do have their strengths and weaknesses.

The movie was a terrible adaptation, in the sense that it mixed three books into one movie, and the plot didn't really work. But they captured the timeless setting of the story quite well, the casting was pretty good, and the story as a whole was presented correctly: a sad tale, with tragic heroes and terrible villains. I wasn't a fan of Jim Carrey as Count Olaf, but at least he could look menacing when he needed to. The movie managed to make you feel deeply sad for the children and their situation, which is a success. 

The Netflix adaptation also has a good casting. The children in this version are better suited for their book counterparts, and I like how they act better. The setting looks gloomier, the music is good, and they follow the books a little closer. But there are two things I seriously dislike about the TV series. One of them is the tone of it all. They made the series too funny, too silly, and they dumbed down the tone. Yes, the books have an absurdist element to them, but that doesn't make them a comedy. I hate it so much when children's stories are dumbed down, which is something that Disney tends to do a lot nowadays by the way. At least the movie took the story more seriously; the series is black comedy, and it's not even good. 

The other thing I didn't like about the Netflix adaptation was the casting of Count Olaf. Here he is played by Neil Patrick Harris, and even though he looks the part, he doesn't know how to act it. His Count Olaf is completely preposterous (ridiculous) and stupid. I hate it so much when villains are portrayed that way. Count Olaf is not someone you're supposed to laugh at; he is absurd a lot of times, but that doesn't make him a comic relief. He is a monster in human skin, and Neil Patrick Harris wasn't able to capture that. I believe the fault doesn't fall completely on him, because I think the director and writers have a lot to do with that. But still... his portrayal makes me cringe more than it makes me cheer. Also, why is he practically the center of the series? Yes, he's the main villain, but the protagonists are the Baudelaire orphans, not him. 

In conclusion, I really liked this first book. I think I will continue reading the series, as I'm very intrigued by it. It's the first time a children's book gets me excited to read more, even when I was a kid. I don't plan on continuing watching the Netflix series though. I don't like wasting my time on things I know I'm not going to like. I'd rather read the books, and no let the adaptation ruin the experience for me. 

If you are interested in books about: orphans, horrible villains, bad actors, giant snakes, wide windows, ladies obsessed with grammar, mysterious societies, incompetent adults, miserable mills, an austere academy, an inventor, a reader and a biter- then these books are for you. But fair warning: there is no happy ending, and very few happy things in between. If you're like me, this is exactly the type of story you're looking for. 

P.S. I wish I could adopt the Baudelaire children. Those three deserve a break. 

Christmas 2020: Tears, Friendship and Hope

These past few weeks, I've been having the same thought over and over: how is Christmas going to be like this year? Will it be terribly sad, or will we be able to adapt? Families won't be able to come together for Christmas as they used to, nor will friends- at least not the responsible ones. Will the virus go through a new phase? Considering that a lot of people are fed up with it and will probably meet in large groups, this seems likely. So, I wonder: what is there to expect from Christmas 2020? 

I know of a lot of people who are expecting nothing good from this Christmas. Many think it will be just plain sad and depressing, since they won't be seeing their families. Others think that considering all that has happened this year, there's nothing to celebrate for, that there's nothing good awaiting for us on Christmas. I can't say I blame them. 

From a personal point of view, I wasn't looking forward celebrating the holiday this year. What for, I used to ask. My job has been taking a serious toll on my mental health, to the point where I'm considering going back to my psychologist. I feel my depression growing worse by the day, and I might be developing anxiety. My mom has been very supportive every day, but other relatives have been exhausting to deal with. My classes have been extremely hard, and I'm talking about the courses I'm studying; my time to rest and disconnect has been cut terribly short, my assignments are getting longer and harder, and I'm not getting enough sleep. My house has been running through a lot of problems, I'm struggling with some finances, and everything just seems to be getting out of my control- and that is terrifying for me. 

I was really looking forward to something I could hold on to. Something that I could grasp and I wouldn't feel as if I was drowning by the second. During this process, I did find some things that helped: I read my books little by little, because now I don't have as much time as I used to before; I started trying new things such as television series I never saw before, such as "Supergirl", "Buffy the Vampire Slayer", "Titans", "The Boys" and "True Blood"; I've kept in touch with my three friends, sharing our tears, frustrations, struggles and the little hope we have left; and I've grown a little closer to my mom, because she's my rock and the one who holds me (sometimes literally) when my whole world is coming to pieces. 

To summarize it, it hasn't been easy finding a little spark day by day. But then November arrived, and I saw all the Christmas decorations everywhere. Something sparked inside me then; I didn't know what it was then, but now I know it was related to Christmas. 

I started planning something. I wanted to decorate my house this year, as I have never decorated it before. Nothing too fancy or extravagant, just something that felt nice and comfortable for me. I started looking more seriously at my expenses, so I could save some money for what I was planning. Just the idea of buying my own things for my house felt incredibly exciting. I got a small Christmas tree, some decorations (of which there will be more later), and a stuffed Grinch which I love to pieces. Today I'm actually planning on setting up the tree, which I admit makes me very happy. 

So, what is it with Christmas and this tiny spark rising inside of me? It could be the pretty lights and beautiful decorations. Maybe it's about the joyful music all around me. Perhaps it's about the gifts, but not really; I don't care much about presents for myself. No... I think this spark is just for the pure joy of Christmas itself, and the promise of happiness that comes with it. The idea that everything will turn out alright, no matter what. 

Christmas is about joy, peace, happiness, sharing and being grateful for our lives and every small blessing we have. Even though most things in this year have been pure trash, I still have some things I am grateful for: 

1- My friends, whom I love with my life. 

2- My mom, who has been there from the start and is one of the main reasons why I'm still here. 

3- The fact that my family and friends have stayed safe from the virus. 

4- I am still healthy as well. 

5- I have found ways to increase my self esteem, little by little. 

6- Despite how hard it has been, I am still here. I am still breathing. I haven't done anything to harm myself in any way. 

7- I have learned and discovered new things, which is amazing for me because I love to learn. 

8- I am looking for smarter ways to handle my finances. 

9- I got some new books! Yay!!! 

10- I am alive. 

Being grateful every day is something new to me. I'm more used to complaining and sulking, which I'm not proud of but it's the truth. But I'm trying a new perspective now, and I think it suits me. 

Back to my main point though, Christmas this year is going to be hard on us all. Everyone will be going through it in different ways, but it will certainly be difficult. Does that mean it will all be bad? I don't think so. 

Today, while I put up my tree and decorate it, while I sing (horribly) to my Christmas music playlist, I'll be thinking of everything that Christmas brings, everything that it promises. We might not be able to be physically with everyone we love this year, and that hurts a lot, but that doesn't mean that same love is not present. 

Speaking of love, I think it comes wrapped in many ways. Yesterday, I met with two of my best friends again. One of them I haven't seen since December 2019, and it felt like a full life had passed for how much I missed her. I know we shouldn't have, but that hug we shared was inevitable. Breathing suddenly became easier, smiles came more naturally, and some other sparks ignited in me. I didn't know just how I missed her till I saw her. She was my first real friend, and thanks to her I met my two other friends. I am eternally grateful for yesterday; I got to see her, hear her laugh again, share our day like we used to, and be happy together. We talk every single day, no exceptions, but I did need to see her. It's the first time since we met that we have spent so much time apart. So, if she's reading this, please know that I love you with every part of my soul, that I missed you terribly, and that I'm grateful for you every day.

I missed days like yesterday. I missed us, the three of us. I missed that love, that happiness. The three of us together felt right, perfect, as if time had never passed. I know that no matter what happens now, no matter the difficulties the three of us might go throw, we'll always stick together. Distance and time is nothing for people who love each other. 

Love, no matter how it comes, will always be stronger than hate. Hope will always be stronger than fear. Yes, I am terribly afraid of everything that is to come; the future isn't written in stone, and this year is not over yet. And who knows what might happen in 2021... Today though, I choose to focus on the blessings I have. Today I choose to feel hopeful despite the circumstances. Today I choose light over darkness once again. With friends who love me by my side, my faithful cats, my books, my mom and a Christmas tree, this holiday season won't be as depressing as I thought it would be. 

This Christmas, be grateful for what have and you don't. Love deeply, no matter what, and remember the true meaning of this holiday. Take care of yourself, and be gentle with your own process; your mental health is important, now more than ever. Take deep breaths and take time for yourself, it's important and it's going to help you- believe me, it will. I hope this Christmas is gentle for you, and that you may find happiness in whatever form it comes. 

Have you ever struggled to find your house keys? Have you grown desperate with the search because you can't find those damn keys anywhere? Have you then realized you had them in your hands all along? Well... the same thing happens often with happiness. 

Sending everyone a huge hug, and may the holidays begin!

P.S. I'm a cold hearted b**** when I want to be, so don't be fooled by all this loving thing.